I am interested in what ‘healing’ means and that exploration has pulled up some questions in me about what healing is/ isn’t but also when we know we are healed. Conceptually, I think of healing as a process of integration whereby whatever I am suffering with may or may not be fixed but I have accepted whatever is going on as part of my landscape. This led me to think about what, if any difference fixing makes. Can I be healed through a fix? As in, having an operation or being treated by pharmaceuticals or is fixing more impactful as part of someone’s healing process? Maybe healing can only happen when my body is first fixed then I will know that everything that can be done through the medical route has been done. Do we need to be ready for healing or does it happen gradually without us needing to know? What difference does awareness make- do I heal faster if I am aware? Right now, conceptually, I think there are probably many different aspects of healing- physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual and maybe not all of them are applicable to each person each time something happens.

This inquiry took a practical turn last week. It may have been a combination of different things but I ended up with my back seizing up for 2.5 days while leading a workshop in Leeds. The pain was so excruciating I had to take pain killers. My back, hip and leg hurt with every move I made. This seizure was replaced by a ache that suggested to me the ‘emergency’ was over but the problem was still there. I decided to visit John- very handy since he is in the same space as my Biodynamic practice! His knowledge and precision in diagnosing and then correcting my SI joint was truly impressive. That was 2 days ago. I have been walking around gingerly since then, being ultra aware and not wanting my SI to slip again. Despite this level of caution, I wonder if this SI misalignment is something that happens quite easily with me. I also wonder how I would know when I have completely healed—is it that I will feel no aches and pains? What is happening is an eagerness for me to learn more about this aspect of myself and my body! It is impossible to know for sure without revisiting John to see where my SI is and I would like to calibrate that with an in-body feeling about how I am and what I think is happening so between us, I can get to know how this part of me works. For now, I am aware of huge tiredness and the need for rest- much more than usual. This feels for sure, what I need to mend- is mending the same as healing?